For lot of us being alone sucks. No one around you, you have to do thing on your own and no one to cuddle, insult, kiss, hug or talk. Yeah, in the very first few second you migth thing that this is something you don’t want to live in your live and you will do everything in your power to avoid that. What if told you that it’s not that bad after all? Read it and then tell me…
I left my home when i was 21 and now i live far, far, far, far away from my birthplace. Since that moment i had problem to connect with people. Probably the new place, maybe i am not exactly the kind of guy who integrates easily in another place or maybe there are reason i don’t know right now. However, in the last years i had no friends and no girlfriends. It sound pretty sad, i get that, but it was the best gift i could possibly receive.
I have two main problem in my hometown, when i lived with my parents and with all my friends around me.
The first problem were my parents. Don’t get me wrong now, i love my parent more than my life, but when you are young they take care of you. Any need or problem were solved by my mom or my dad. The only thing i had to do was just stay there and see the magic of someone working hard to solve my problem. IIt’s good in the shirt terms, but very bad in the long game. When i left my home and i was alone in another country, i had no idea what to do…i had no idea to be an adult actually…something i should learn when i was a teenager. Learning how to be an aduld, when you are an adult when other adults demand from you to be an adult as soon as possible is not something i would advice to do, because i felt out of context. Everywhere i was i felt bad, because in my brain i thought to be still a teenager, but i wasn’t and wasn’t able to think as an adult. You can’t imagine how bad i felt.
The second problem were my friends…if i call them friends, but that’s another story. The people i get used to go out with were a big problem. They were not dangerous or they have never do anything illegal, but i had a problem with other people. More specifically, i didin’t like to talk with other people because i was afraid of the other’s opinions and judgement. Lot of time i said something and i was treated like an idiot or a stupid guy who didin’t know anything. No matter if i was in a small or in a big group, the feelings were the same. Not a good feeling. And the older i got, the bigger was my discomfort. Maybe leaving was the right choice, but you can bet your ass that it was freaking hard. With people around you, you can talk and you are never alone, sometimes you can live some good moments. Once you are alone, you are alone.
There’s only one thing you can do: start to talk with yourrself. And this is the best gift ever. The more voices you have, the harder it is to make thing on you own, because you are influeced by what the other say. It doesn’t matter how indipendet and strong you are, you will be influenced.
I have never heard my very soul. I mean NEVER: I have never had the need to do that. And i made lot of wrong choices. Now i do only thing i want to do…like this blog, for example. No one i have to answer to, no one who tells me anything. It’s just me and myself: i if have success of i fail, it’s only on me.
Sometimes it’s hard not having friends around, but then i thing about all the thing i do and i would not to just because my “friends” would not to do. I am grateful of my loneliness. It’s a great teacher and a good friend. Now i love my life. Of course, there are some thing to improve, but i am pretty happy of the person i am right now.
Thank you loneliness!