Am i happy?

I have this question in my mind for now months and i have never find a definite answer. Am i happy? I mean, is it even possible to be happy? if the answer is yes, what does make us happy?

In my life i have never been 100% happy. Not at least for a long time. When i was young and throughout my entire 20s i have always had something that “destroyed” my happiness. Sometimes it was a bad news, not related to my life whatsoever, or maybe someone told me to have done something i always wanted to do, but he or she did before me, or everytime i was on social media and saw all those “amazing and perfect lives” on my smartphone. Every singe day brought with it a reason not to be completely happy. And i kwen i wanted happiness.

Then i started to struggle because i wanted to achieve it at any cost. I wanted to wake up in the morning with a huge smile from my face, not a fake one, but one that came from the soul. I had no idea how to do that!

In that specific moment i, for some reason, started to doubt about everything around me: my friends, my family, my job and my hobbies. I started to analyse things in a way i have never done before. “What am i doing here?”, “Is it right that i am doing it?”, “It is what i want?”, “Where am i going?” were few of the lot of question in my mind. My mind at that moment were a mess: too many questions and so my answers. The problem is that i wanted the question as soon as possible, because i didn’t want to waste any time anymore.

Sadly, life doesn’t work like that. The only thing you can do is just ask yourself question and be patient for the answers. Sometimes they come pretty quickly and very clear, sometimes you have to pay a little bit more of attention to the details. However, the answer will come. Then it’s up to you. In my case, it was up to me. Because i had the anwers, but they were pretty brutal and to follow them, i should reset my life and change completely they way i lived.

And i did. Not only because i had to, but because i wanted to. Now i am in a path were i can’t see the end of the tunnel. But i don’t care. The previous life was certain, but absolutely a one-way-journey to self-destruction. Now i am full on uncertainty, but i am starting to be happy. I still need some more time to get to the point where i want to be, but i am starting to feel better. Sometimes in life you have to take some risks and decide what more important: more money and sadness or less money and happiness?

It’s true: you know where to start, but you have no idea where to finish…and the yourney inbetween is even less clear. Sometimes life can be so funny!

See ya

Mauro.

The Ironically All-Rounder
I'm pretty sure to know everything. If thre's nothing i don't know. be free to tell me!

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