You are living your life, you try make sure that nothing happens, but then someone, or more than one person, make a mistake, like a big one. Maybe those people told to others one of your deepest secrets, maybe they said to you something bad that hurts you or something else bad happenes that destroy your trust. You are so mad that you don’t want to see those people again. However, living with all this pain is bad and can hurt you mentally. My question is: are you ready to forgive?
The answer for me would be “it depends”. It’s not about forgivign someone, the proble is that if you are ready to trust again.
If you forgive someone means that someone did to you something so bad that you don’t want to talk with this person or your don’t want to have this person in your life anymore and maybe you have had a huge fight. Your trust is gone and you are scared to open yourself again, because you don’t want to be hurt anymore, so you built immediately a wall made of anger, disappointment and sadness against those who hurted you. And this wall is understandable, everyone would do the same in your situation. The question is “can you live with this wall for long?”
Maybe you will never see those people anymore in your life or maybe you are forced to see them often, because before you were close friends, you are in the same crew, or you were used to be something even more deeper than just friends. In the first case you can live with it, in the second case you have to choose: either you think about to deal with the situation once and for all, or leave all the other friends you have only because you “hate” only one person. My question is: is it worthy to lose everything for just maybe one person? No, it’s not…or yes it is worthy?
To process thing you need time and maybe being alone for a while. You can process things if you are always involved in the same situation with the same people over and over again. You can’t. So, maybe you have to stay away from the people or situation that hurts you in the first place. No matter how long you have to stay away, the heart and soul need more time than the body to cure the wounds. After you ended your healing process, it’s time to decide: “how do i feel?”, “Do i feel ready to come back to my old life, do i need some changes or i actually like to be alone?” If you decide that you need to come back to your old life you need to start to come back on and “forgive” them…and when i say forgiving someone i mean move on but never forget…as long as the don’t apologize.
This is not about losing a fight or being the weaker one in the situation, but that’s the point: probably you are the only person who is suffering. Yes, maybe there was a huge fight, they know you felt bad, but it doesn’t mean that those people knows exactly how much you suffered, both because they don’t even know and because fot them it wasn’t a big deal after all. However, it doesn’t matter. What’s matter is your happiness. So, you had to learn a very hurtful lesson, you processed the pain, now you know those person better and you know that you could not trust them anymore…yes, you can come back laughing with them, drinking with them, but you will never tell any kind of secrets anymore, becase the trust is gone.
But what if they come to you they will tell you a genuine “i’m sorry!” In that situation you have to see in your heart if you can trust those words. Your pain was maybe a lot and you are not sure if you can forgive them. Well, you can also not forgive this person, but you will have an unfinished business in your life…and unfinished businesses are bad. I’m not saying that now everthing is forgotten and it will be like the old days, i’m just saying that they made a step closer to you, so they understood you suffered a lot, they did something very bad to you and they want to deal with you, find a solution and move on. Maybe it’s time to make a step closer to them. Maybe won’t bring anthing, maybe the relatioship will be better than ever and this painful moment will be only a memory in your mind.
Forgive is hard. But it’s the only way to really move and be happy with yourself!